Urusei Yatsura: Carrot + Stick

Unending BE - episode 1099446

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In the middle of the night, in the darkest shadows, a figure creeps towards a closet. He dabs a small bit of oil on his fingertips, rubs them against the hinges and slowly, achingly slowly pulls the door open without a single solitary whisper of sound. He stares down at the figure curled up under the covers. Smiling cutely. It almost makes him want to brush her hair, makes him forget what a nuisance she is when those eyes are open. For a moment she seems like an angel instead of an Oni...

Though the moment passes, and he gently - so gently! - places a carrot on one side of her head and a stick on the other. He then quietly - oh, so terribly quietly! - whispers some arcane words, wincing slightly at the little bit of light dancing around the green-haired girl's forehead lest the room be briefly lit up by a different sort of magical light, a more painful sort... But no, all goes well. The room darkens once again and the adorable horned girl merely rolls over in her sleep.

"Darling..." she mumbles, and it sounds so content that he can't help but smile. The closet door is closed. He tucks back into his own futon, pulls the sheets over himself and mentally congratulates on a job well done.

Now we'll see, he thinks. Now we'll see if she learns what it's like to be a pervert! And he chuckles heartily to himself, feeling fortunate for once after finding such a fun, wonderful spell and having no problems at all in pulling it off!

Though, of course, Ataru Moroboshi is the world's unluckiest boy for a reason. This reason won't change at all simply because this one time he got what he wanted. Or what he thinks he wants.

Needless to say that upon awakening that fine morning, Lum felt a mite peculiar. It had been a good night's rest and within her closet she yawned and she stretched, feeling oddly good about herself. A little bit of an experimental pat down. Felt pretty good, pretty good overall. Tcha!

In fact it felt so good that she was downright uncomfortable putting on that all-covering school uniform they had here on Earth. It was almost as though the more skin she was covering up, the worse she felt! Which was a silly idea not even worth entertaining. Still. She went about her normal morning business, still feeling a little bit nice overall, for the most part.

Though one thing did make her feel really, really good and she knew why that was right away! Darling was looking at her more often than usual. Not ignoring her. Looking at her. Then pretending not to. How adorable! It was like he'd finally noticed her charm. Maybe settling down and focusing on her was in the future...?

"Whoa, hey!" Ataru said, catching her when she suddenly fell out of the air. "Huh? You feeling alright? Not like you to drop out of the sky like that."

"Oh, darling!" she exclaimed, hugging up against him and feeling quite a bit of genuine joy as she nuzzled him. "You do care!"

"Ah, no! I just don't wanna catch another of your freaky alien illnesses, that's all!"

Ooh, that tsundere pervert boy! She'd noticed his hand gently gliding down her back towards her butt, so he couldn't pretend he wasn't interested! Hrmph! Maybe he needed a little more incentive before he showed off his real feelings?

"So I was looking at this catalogue for Earth clothes," she mused. "There was a rather nice outfit I was thinking of buying. Full-body leather, very nice and tight with a series of horizontal slits up the sides of the legs."

"Yeah, that sounds like a great gift idea for Benten!" Ataru said, staring pointedly up at the sky. "Can't you just picture her wearing something hot like that?"

No, actually. She'd rather not imagine her best friend wearing - Whoa, another headache! Maybe she should just walk to school today? Mm, yes. Definitely walk. It would make her and Ataru look more like a regular couple, instead of her just trailing after -

"Hey there, babe! I'm Ataru, and I was just wondering what your name, address and phone number were. Would you mind helping me out?"

"Daaaarliiiiing!" Lum snarled, charging up the electricity for a good old-fashioned, well-deserved, perverted husband-to-be fry-up, which was tragically interrupted by another of those blasted headaches. This one was bad enough to make her completely lose track of her charge and have to catch her breath. Gosh. What was wrong with her today?

"Hi, hi! I'm Ataru Moroboshi, how are you today? It's a nice day, but not nearly as pretty as you."

"Dar-" she started, but there it was again. She just couldn't get it out without this weird feeling of complete discomfort. Concentration was impossible!

It was working. Just like the book had said! Sure, it wasn't much at first and sure, he'd had to especially watch out for it to be certain. But the evidence was undeniable. She'd stopped even trying to zap him after the third girl he'd hit on. Two more after that, she hadn't even lifted her voice or snarled at him or stared angrily at him or anything.

Instead, it was like she'd had this really nice feeling. You could see it in her face. Letting him get away with perverted things was a kind of perverted thing in and of itself, you might say, so he'd hit on every single chick he saw along the way to school. Not really expecting results. Never got them in the first place. He was just engaged in a little bit of reprogramming, you might say.

"What do you think of that one?" he whispered.

"Huh?" she mumbled, a little bit bleary eyed. Lum glanced over towards the girl he'd had his eye on and smiled a little. "She's cute. You sh-should definitely flirt with her. Mmm..."

Results! Haha! It was all coming up Ataru! Just a tiny little push and she was already alright with this much! This spell was really powerful, he'd been incredibly lucky to find it! For once everything was coming up Ataru!

But of course, the universe can't possibly have that. So, of course, it all has to go horribly wrong somehow.

  1. *A few guys start hitting on Lum, and she starts flirting back. Cue Ataru's jealousy!
  2. Lum loses interest in guys altogether. Hot babes, all the way!
  3. Mendo has also found the spellbook, and is trying to figure out how to use the spell. For research purposes, of course.
  4. Sakura spots that something isn't right with Lum and tries to talk to her about it.
  5. Something else
Go back - Go to the parent episode.


Mon Jun 29 11:56:04 2015

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